I grew up in Hostess country. Hostess Cupcakes, Twinkies, Ding Dongs and Fruit Pies were staples of my childhood in Detroit. And then we even had a Hostess Bakery Thriftshop near where we moved in Mesa, Arizona -- home of the WEDNESDAY BARGIN (sic) DAY -- although my mother drew the line at my tightwad stepfather buying "day-old" baked goods. Dolly Madison was also big -- Vanilla Zingers are my all-time fave, with Hostess Cupcakes a close second -- so when the two companies merged a few years ago, I felt right at home. ("Home" in that my mom didn't bake us things from scratch, but did supply us with these delicious processed foods.) But since moving East, I've begrudgingly had to learn a whole new snackcake vernacular, where Drake's Cakes and Tastykakes dominate the shelves of the bodegas here. My loyalty is fierce, however, so despite years of exposure to Devil Dogs, Krimpets, Kandy Kakes and Yankee Doodles, I've avoided everything but a single Drake's Coffee Cake, which was purchased in a weak moment after a night of drinking. I may have to walk a couple blocks out of my way, but I'm willing to make the trip for my beloved Hostess products, and I figure the pre-Zinger exercise will do me good.
All that changed this afternoon when my coworker Nick tore open a package of Butterscotch Krimpets. In the past, I'd considered buying Krimpets because they looked like the equivalent of a Zinger -- until I realized they were butterscotch flavored. (Yikes.) Something about that really didn't sit well with me. I'd always been leery of anything butterscotch because as a child our elderly neighbor on 13 Mile Road, Mr. Henning, always used to pull those hard butterscotch candies in gold cellophane out of his (brown polyester) pants pockets and offer them to all the kids by saying, "Who wants a scutterbotch candy?" (He was like a magician the way he could keep pulling them out of there, too.) So alas, I remained set in my Vanilla Zinger ways. But then Nick offered me a piece when I told him about my Hostess past, explaining that the company that makes Tastykakes is based in his hometown of Philadelphia, so his loyalty is every bit as fierce as mine. (He did, however, concede that he was mesmerized on a field trip to where they make Twinkies as a youth, and that he prefers Devil Dogs -- a Drake's product -- to his brand's Kreamies.) So I bit into this Krimpet, and what a surprise it was to discover the butterscotch is incredibly subtle -- only in the frosting, I'm guessing -- and the overall effect is quite delicious. (That I happened to have a hot cup of coffee in front of me only enhanced the adventure.) After I got done commending myself on going outside of my comfort zone -- for those who don't know me, I'm an impossible fuddy-duddy, which explains why it was a challenge to get someone with a sweet tooth to try a new fucking cake! -- I then realized increasing the likelihood of my buying junk food each night on my way home from dinner maybe wasn't the best way to expand my horizons, but a great way to expand my waistline.
